On Comparisons and Self-Doubt

 Comparisons are easy to make, especially in this day and age where social media provides us access to the inner lives of strangers across the world. We can become lost in the lives of others which have been altered through filters and photoshop to portray an aesthetically pleasing substitute to reality. It’s hard to remember that what we see may not actually be a direct reflection of what is real, and thus, we fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others. 

This is true outside the realm of social media as well, where we are awarded grades, trophies and higher salaries dependent on our ability to produce a result deemed satisfactory by societal norms and standards. In this world, where we chase after dreams and money, there will always be someone who we believe outshines what we feel we are capable of achieving ourselves. These imaginary battles we have with others serve only to break down the image of our own self worth and destroy our self-confidence in the process, piece by piece. We cannot compare our own journey with that of someone else; we are not all going in the same direction, at the same pace, with the same destination in mind. 

I can honestly say that I have also fallen into the toxic cycle of comparing myself and my accomplishments with others, more specifically within the reading and writing communities across all social media platforms. Word count, content creation, productivity, and even how many books I manage to read within a single year. Many of my biggest achievements pale in comparison to what others have been able to complete over the course 365 days. I will often still find myself questioning what I could do differently; if I am in fact giving one hundred percent, or if there is something more that could be done to improve word counts, produce higher volumes of content in shorter periods of time, or increase the number of books read for the year. 

The answer is simple; stop comparing to what others can and have achieved. I am fully aware that this is much easier said than done, as I continue to pour over videos and posts in comparison to my own life and writing, almost daily, expecting the outcome to be different each time - my sense of self-worth left intact at the end, which is rarely the case. 

This is not to say that social media is evil or damaging, when in fact it is a place where individuals of like and different minds can come together and connect, create and grow together. It’s only when we start to hold up our own lives against the life of another that we begin to draw lines and note differences, and I believe something can be said about feeling secure with oneself; to be able to note the comparisons, but, not allow them to damage our self image. This requires a decent amount of reflection and the ability to turn inwards and monitor our own thoughts and feelings. In such a way, comparisons can effect our lives positively, inspiring us to grow and improve, motivate us to strive for more and set our sights higher.

In my own life, the battle for my peace of mind and confidence rages on. I reflect often on how far I have come in my life, in my writing and, although proud of my accomplishments, I have the tendency to compare my own journey with that of others. Why is it taking me longer to complete a manuscript and publish? What are others doing that I have not yet figured out? Am I even good enough to publish? It is important to acknowledge these thoughts and feelings and then release them. Only I know what I am capable of achieving, and self-doubt will only hinder any progression I intend to make, or stop me from even trying. Kindness and grace is something we need to allow ourselves as well. Our journeys in life are all different and beautiful in their own way, why compare it?

Hanna B.